Port Authorities vs. Carolina All-Stars

May 5, 2012 | Portland Expo, Maine

Bout Recap by Milhouse Van Bouten

On May 5^th, 2012, Maine Roller Derby’s all-star Port Authorities hosted the Carolina Rollergirls at the Portland Expo. This bout was arguably the most anticipated and influential of the season for MRD, as both teams were ranked closely in the WFTDA Eastern Region (Maine 11^th, Carolina 8^th) with Maine desperately trying to claw their way back into the Regional Tournament picture. The Port Authorities were 3-2 in WFTDA sanctioned competition through 2012, while Carolina was 2-0 and looked to continue their hot streak.

The bout started quickly and fiercely as Carolina’s agile offense pushed the pace and forced Maine to play  at their speed. CRG jammer Ginger Clobbers opened the bout with 12 points for Carolina while PA jammer Li’l Punisher grabbed 9. Both teams scored 1 point in the following jam, and traded power jams in jam three, with Carolina edging out Maine again 11–8. Grim D. Mise scored 14-0 in jam four, taking the lead for Maine. The momentum was back and forth early on, but started sliding in favor of Carolina at jam five. The CRG defense and chemistry outworked Maine on their home turf as Carolina established a steady single-digit point streak while holding the Port Authorities to minimal offense. In jams five through 14, Maine could only amass 4 points (scored by Grim D. Mise) while CRG jammers Thrashley, DVS and Pretty Reckless (who scored 19-0 in jam eight) combined for 42. Grim D. Mise sparked the offense again for Maine in jam 15, scoring 16-3 and scrambling to steal back the momentum. However, the Carolina defense seemed to be adapting to Grim’s speed and were able to neutralize her in jam 18, allowing teammate Jesse King to score 11-5. Li’l Punisher scored again for Maine 4-0 in the closing seconds of their power jam to end the half. While Carolina appeared to have the upper hand, the Port Authorities were able to keep the bout a relatively close score going into the second period, 87-61.

Carolina turned up the heat to start the second period, scoring another 21 points in the first three jams while the Port Authorities remained scoreless. Grim D. Mise was able to skate for another 4-2 jam in jam 4, but Maine was once again sent reeling in jams five through 8 as Thrashley, DVS and Pretty Reckless again combined for 25-0 points. The game turned to a more defensive pace and Maine began finding their footing. With some defensive help from Li’l Punisher, Grim and Spry Icicle were able to keep scoring pace with Carolina and prevent themselves from falling further behind. In jams 15-18, the PAs finally seem to regain their groove as Li’l Punisher, Grim D. Mise and Spry Icicle were able to make up 22 points while holding Carolina scoreless. With about a 40 point defecit in the final jam, it was simply too little too late for Maine. Grim D. Mise and Ginger Clobbers skated 4-4 to end the bout, and the Carolina Rollergirls  continued their undefeated season 148-103.

Top Scorers

Port Authorities – Grim D. Mise (72)

Carolina All-Stars – Pretty Reckless (54)

Most Valuable Players

Port Authorities – Grim D. Mise

Carolina All-Stars – Ms. Anthrope the Mordant

Port Authorities Roster

Cherry Clobber | Crystal Whip | Dollipops | Grim D. Mise | Jessica Aspiras | Kissy Kicks | Lil Punisher | Mae Snap | Punchy O'Guts | Red-Demption | Shirley B. Slammin' | Spry icicle | T-Storm

Carolina All-Stars Roster

Caddy Compton | Daisy Rage | DVS | Elektra Q-Tion | Erna Beatin | Ginger Clobbers | Jesse King | Jojo Gadget | MC Fyte | Ms. Anthrope the Mordant | Pretty Reckless | Roxy Rockett | Sue Yu | Thrashley

Bout Recap by: Rock Clobster

The first bout of the day saw a fierce tussle between the DC Rollergirls All-Stars (ranked 11 in the East) and the Maine Port Authorities (#10E) to lay claim to the all-important 10th spot in the WFTDA East Region. DC came in seeking revenge after two prior losses to Maine: 163-82 in 2011, and 125-104 in 2009. This third time was DC's charm, as they sent the Port Authorities sailing north nursing a 197-131 loss and undoubtedly some bruises from the aggressively physical game, with high-scoring powerjams the key to DC's victory against an otherwise closely matched Maine team.

DC's jammer-line scrum start kicked off the bout, and the first jam ended 3-2 in Maine's favor. When Shirley B. Slammin' was jamming, she took advantage of penalties on DC jammer Jersey Jill and her two hard-hitting teammates, Nubian Nemesis and Lois Slain, to increase Maine's lead to 13-2. Maine's Grim D. Mise added five more while Jill was still sidelined to end 18-2. DC battled back in the next jam, with Barbra Booey adding 8 to end 19-10, aided by her sidekick blockers Hoova Dayum and Helena Handbag. After two evenly matched jams, Maine's captain Jessica Aspiras went on a scoring tear at the 20-minute mark which boosted Maine's lead to 41-19. Jersey Jill then met one Grim D. Mise when she was lapped for a grand slam: Grim ultimately added 9 to make the score 50-19, where it stayed put on Maine's side for the next six jams.

DC regrouped following a time out, with Barbra Booey scoring three (missing only her out-of-bounds opponent), then Dual Hitizen converting some Francophiles by adding 13, narrowing Maine's lead to 50-35. Jersey Jill was the track's Boss over Crystal Whip, notching nine points thanks to the backing of her E Street blockers Jackie Mae Day and Velocityraptor. With 10 minutes left in the half, Lenore Gore drilled her way to the front of the pack—despite some fierce defense by Lil' Punisher—scoring 18 and giving DC a 62-50 lead they would never relinquish. With Barbra Booey and Dual Hitizen each adding four points in hit-and-quits, DC increased its lead 70-50. DC's 51-0 run against Maine was finally stopped by Jessica Aspiras, who scored four points at the 8-minute mark during a powerjam which left Dual Hitizen in Napoleonic exile, and Grim D. Mise adding four more while Dual was still confined to Elba. But Lenore Gore refused to let the lead snagged on her watch to slip further: In a powerjam with Crystal Whip out of ammunition, she scored 14 to keep DC on top 84-59. DC's defense kept Crystal contained upon her return: She scored just one in a powerjam while Jersey Jill was in the Badlands. Dual Hitizen scored the final four points of the half, bringing the score to 88-60, DC.

The second half started much like the first, with a 3-2 scoring battle, this time won by DC. Shirley B. Slammin' and Lenore Gore then traded powerjams to boost both sides, with Shirley prevailing to increase Maine's tally to 77 against DC's 95. Barbra Booey took DC over the century mark, scoring 10 against Kissy Kicks to end at 105. Dual won her duel with Crystal whipped in the box, scoring another 12, while Lenore Gore kept the scoreboard smoking by putting up 19 more, despite Mae Snap's elastic efforts to contain her. Maine's Grim D. Mise managed to add four points for her team, but her efforts were erased by another high-scoring DC jam: 18 points for Barbra Booey to make the score 154-89. Grim answered with another four, and Lenore Gore stormed back with 8, but so did Shirley B. Slammin' when no one could call off the jam. DC stayed put at 162 while Spry Icicle ended her frosty spell with four, and Grim matched her to increase Maine's score to 109. Dual Hitizen and Jersey Jill each added 8, then Spry and Grim mounted a minor Maine comeback, scoring 4 and 14 respectively with less than five minutes left. But DC wasn't finished packing on the points yet: Barbra Booey issued a stern rebuke to Jessica Aspiras, scoring 19 to end up at 197. Grim D. Mise continued Maine's strong finish, scoring 4 to make the final 197 DC, 131 Maine.

On April 28, the DC All-Stars will head to the Dulles SportsPlex to face off against Suburban Brawl (#12E), who narrowly defeated DC, 100-92, in 2011.

April 21, 2012 | Portland Expo, Maine

Bout Recap by Milhouse Van Bouten

April 21^st marked the return of Maine Roller Derby to their high-profile home arena, the Portland Expo. Maine’s Calamity Janes played host to the brand spanking new Pair O’ Dice City Rollergirls from Springfield, MA. The POD squad would be competing in their first ever interleague bout, testing their fresh skills against a relatively experienced Calamity Janes squad, who were 1-1 on their 2012 season.

               The Janes defense attacked Pair O’ Dice from the first whistle, sending the young POD team’s strategy into a tail spin and quickly gaining the advantage. Janes blocker Red-demption brutalized POD jammer Meryl Creep in jam two, introducing Red’s opponents to the heavy hitting that has become a staple in Maine’s playbook. The Janes’ unrelenting defense pounded away at the Dice for the entire first half, keeping POD scoreless in the first seven jams and holding them to 11 points for the entire period. With the defensive game well in hand, the Janes were able to concentrate just enough on offense to open lanes for their jammers and steadily rack up points. Janes jammers Kissy Kicks, T-Storm, Bea Nimble and Red-demption earned 11 of the first 12 jam leads and 20 grand slams. Teammates Nauti Roller and Wilykat added some extra points near the end of the half as well, although the Dice showed signs of life by decelerating the Janes’ point scoring and doubling their own point total in the final four jams of the period. At halftime, the Janes had a commanding 142 – 11 lead, but Pair O’ Dice was not about to quit.

               The Janes’ wrecking ball defense continued in the second half, however, the offense had a more sluggish start in comparison as jammer Kissy Kicks found herself earning two major cuts in the first two jams, although still scoring 4 points each. POD finally saw an opportunity to strike in jam three as POD jammer Halle Pain Yo grabbed the jam lead and 5 points. The Dice tried desperately to ride that momentum, and the fire did seem to catch three james later as jammer Olive R. Twisted grabbed another lead jam, albeit losing the jam to Kissy Kicks,  4-5. POD placed the star on Donny Brook in jam seven, who grabbed lead over Bea Nimble and scored 15-0 for the Dice, a monumental jam win for POD and their first multi-pass scoring jam of the night. However, just when it looked as if POD was building steam, the Janes defense slammed the brakes once again and shut out the Dice jammers for the rest of the night. Janes jammer T-Storm nearly cancelled out all of POD’s second-half momentum with a 17-0 jam in jam eight, and the Janes coasted comfortably to a victory over Pair O’ Dice, 246-35

Top Scorers

Calamity Janes – Bea Nimble (58)

Pair O’ Dice – Donny Brook (17)

Most Valuable Players

Calamity Janes – A-Block

Pair O’ Dice – Olive R. Twisted

Calamity Janes Roster

A-Block | Bea Nimble | Busty Mayhem | Cherry Clobber | Curve Appeal | Dollipops | Eva LaDiva | Kissy Kicks | Margot Tenenbomb | Nauti Roller | Princess Lay Her Out | Red-Demption | T-Storm | Wilykat

Pair O’ Dice Roster

Ballistic Miss L. | Bootsy Killins | Donny Brook | Halle Pain Yo | JD Slamminjure | May Z. Dukes | Mega Burns | Meryl Creep | Olive R. Twisted | Pandora's Squeezebox | Reckless B. Havior | Roxz Yer Whirled

April 7, 2012 | Happy Wheels, Portland ME

Bout Recap by Milhouse Van Bouten

photo by Scott LovejoyOn April 7^th, 2012, international roller derby action returned to Portland as Maine Roller Derby’s Calamity Janes hosted the Fog City Shipyard Sirens from New Brunswick, Canada. The scene had an air of familiarity as the CJs had played another Canadian team (Montréal) at Happy Wheels just five weeks prior. However, the Fog City squad itself had never played Portland before. It would also serve as the competitive debut for four of MRD’s newest skaters: Wilykat, Headbutty Holly, Margot Tenenbomb and Eva LaDiva. While these four stars in the making wanted to make an impact, the young team from north of the border also wanted to leave their impression and repeat Montréal’s victory from February.

The Calamity Janes seemed to be taking their direction well from MRD all-star and Janes coach Grim D. Mise as the Maine defense appeared to dominate from the first whistle. Fog City jammers Masquerage, Nessa Quik, H-Two Oh No! and Fancy Nancy were punished for their efforts by the brutal walls formed by Maine blockers, Cherry Clobber, Busty Mayhem, Dollipops, A-Block and Red-Demption. The Siren jammers were visibly feeling the effects of the CJ traps while Janes jammers Kissy Kicks and T-Storm combined for 58-0 points in the first six jams. Fog City finally generated some offense in jam seven as Siren jammer Tacky Tammy grabbed lead away from Red-Demption and scored 4-3. The offensive kick was squashed immediately as the CJ defense continued to smother while Wilycat, Bea Nimble and Nauti Roller joined in on the offense for Maine. Tacky Tammy again put some points on the board in the final jam of the first period for the Sirens, scoring 8-4 over T-Storm and attempting to light a desperately needed fire under her team for the second half. At half-time, the Janes held a towering 177-14 lead.

photo by Scott LovejoyAt the start of period two, Kissy Kicks brought the hammer down again on Fog City with a 25-0 jam, breaking the 200-point mark for the Janes. However, the Sirens soon began showing life. Tacky Tammy and H-Two Oh No! grabbed the next two consecutive jam leads and clawed for 2 points each in jams two and three. While the points were cancelled out by Bea Nimble’s 4 points in jam three against Tacky Tammy, the Sirens continued to fight as they grabbed six leads of the next seven jams, tallying at least 3 points in each of them. While Fog City’s resilience was admirable, it was simply too little too late, as the Janes refused to release control of the game for long. Highlighted by Wilykat’s staggering 31 points in jam eight. The Calamity Janes continued to pound away at Fog City and rolled on to win 308 – 54.

Most Valuable Skaters

Calamity Janes – Kissy Kicks

Shipyard Sirens – H-Two Oh No!

photo by Scott LovejoyTop Scorers

Calamity Janes – Kissy Kicks (117)

Shipyard Sirens – Tacky Tammy (30)

Calamity Janes Roster

A-Block | Bea Nimble | Busty Mahem | Cherry Clobber | Dollipops | Eva LaDiva | Headbutty Holly | Kissy Kicks | Margot Tenenbomb | Nauti Roller | Princess Lay Her Out | Red-Demption | T-Storm | Wilycat

Shipyard Sirens Roster

Alien She | Allie B. Bashin' | Auburn Rubber | Buffy Slammers | Chillin' Villain | Fancy Nancy | H-Two Oh No! | Ivana Chekabitch | Lee-Animator | Lexxie Lasher | Lil' Chop of Horrors | Masquerage | Molly Millions | Nessa Quik | Skate Monkey Skate! | Tacky Tammy

March 17, 2012 | Happy Wheels, Portland ME

Bout Recap by Milhouse Van Bouten

photo by Scott LovejoyMarch 17, 2012 brought the fifth chapter of a developing rivalry between Maine Roller Derby’s Port Authorities and Connecticut Roller Girls’ Stepford Sabotage. It began in May 2008 in Portland when the Port Authorities took home their first victory over the Sabotage 83 – 39. Connecticut hosted the rematch later that year in December and closed the gap significantly, but still lost to Maine’s all-stars 82 – 120. After a season, the two squads clashed again in late August 2010 back in Portland, with Maine again taking the victory 154 – 79. Eight months later, the Sabotage brought the fight back to their home turf determined to break the streak, but instead suffered their worst defeat by Maine yet: 48 – 174. With Spring bringing a new derby season and a new sense of determination, Connecticut marched their squad back into Happy Wheels for the next battle.

The bout started even in the very early stages, with Port Authority jammer Grim D. Mise and Conntecticut jammer Delilah Dread scoring 2 - 0 each in jams one and two, respectively. Grim D. Mise turned up the heat in jam three, taking full advantage of a power jam opportunity to slap 17 - 0 points on the board for Maine. PA skater Crystal Whip followed up with another 7 – 0, and Maine seemed to rolling to a healthy advantage.

photo by Scott LovejoyConnecticut needed a way to derail the building momentum of the PAs. C. Mya Rage took the jammer line for CT in jam six and nabbed the jam lead, scoring 4 – 0. Pearl Jammer followed up for CT and was able to prevent any further points by PA jammer Jessica Aspiras. After successfully stopping the point skid, CT grabbed the jam leads for jams nine through 12 and chipped 14 points off of Maine’s lead, while keeping Maine scoreless. A hit by PA blocker Li’l Punisher on CT jammer Pearl Jammer in jam 13 seemed to stop the Sabotage’s push for points, and in jam 15, PA jammer Spry Icicle smashed a 25 – 0 point jam on the board to firmly take back control. The points were a trade-off for the rest of the half, with a few highlight jams (CT: Black Cherry scoring 15 – 0 in jam 18, PA: Grim D. Mise scoring 15 – 0 in jam 19). By the end of the half, Maine had a healthy lead over the Sabotage, 93 – 42.

Connecticut needed to come out swinging in the second half, but could not solve the Maine defense. Maine jammers Grim D. Mise, Crystal Whip, Spry Icicle and Jessica Aspiras continued to rack up points for the PAs, combining for 24 in the first seven jams while keeping Connecticut scoreless. CT blocker Luciana Pulverotti realized that CT needed to answer with their own strong defense, and scrambled to cancel out Grim D. Mise’s phenomenal jamming. Pulverotti was successful in keeping Grim scoreless in jam eight.

photo by Scott LovejoyThe CT defense could not seem to stop the Maine offense for good. Maine jammers Kissy Kicks and Shirley B. Slammin’ added to the lead, cancelling out the points that CT jammers Delilah Dread and Eleanor Bruisevelt scrambled for. The CT defense picked up the intensity, crushing Grim D. MIse as she called jam 11 with a 4 – 0 score, but it was just too little too late. The PAs had locked in on their targets and charged up the scoreboard with no looking back. Punctuated by bone-crushing 29 – 0 point final jam from Grim D. Mise, the Port Authorities continued their sweep over the Stepford Sabotage 200 – 75.

MVPS

Port Authorities: Jessica Aspiras

Stepford Sabotage:  Luciana Pulverotti

Top Scorers

Port Authorities: Grim D. Mise (109)

Stepford Sabotage: Black Cherry (36)

Port Authorities Roster

Cherry Clobber | Crystal Whip | Dollipops | Grim D. Mise | Jessica Aspiras | Kissy Kicks | Lil Punisher | Mae Snap | Princess Lay Her Out | Punchy O'Guts | Red-Demption | Shirley B. Slammin' | Spry Icicle | T-Storm

Stepford Sabotage Roster

Black Cherry | Bonnie Voyage | C. Maya Rage | Delilah Dread | Doomcake | Eleanor Bruisevelt | Ether Bunny | Girl Fawkes | Luciana Pulverotti | Murphy's Outlaw | Parker Poison | Pearl Jammer | Pow Pow Powerwheels | Shiny Toy Buns | Slugg'er Face | Your Mom

Feb 25, 2012 | Happy Wheels, Portland ME

Bout Recap by Milhouse Van Bouten

photo by Scott LovejoyInternational roller derby action returned to Portland on February 25 as Maine Roller Derby’s Calamity Janes hosted Montréal Roller Derby’s Les Sexpos. The bout was the first bout of competition in 2012 for the Calamity Janes. And the first bout ever between the CJs and Sexpos. The last meeting between Portland and Montréal took place between the all-star squads back in May 2011, and Montéal’s New Skids on the Block doubled-up Maine’s Port Authorities 158-79. This time around, it was the B-teams taking center stage and Portland had the home field advantage.

The CJs took firm control in the beginning jams of the competition. Maine jammer Kissy Kicks racked up 22 points while rookie teammate jammer Nauti Roller added her first 3 career points in the first 6 jams. In the same time frame, the Janes defense held Montreal to just 4 points, scored by Ira Crass. Sexpos jammer The Honey Badger sparked her team in jam 7, scoring 9-0 over CJ jammer Princess Lay Her Out. Ira Crass followed up with an impressive escape from the defensive clutches of CJ blockers Cherry Clobber, T-Storm, and Busty Mayher, scoring a 4-1 jam over Nauti Roller. However Maine took control back when CJ jammer Kissy Kicks scored 9-0 over Wonderbrat. The following jam was remarkable as it marked the first 5 career points of Maine’s other debuting jammer, Bea Nimble. From there, a slugfest ensued as the teams traded offensive opportunities. Janes jammer Red-demption slammed down 13 points in jam 15 and established a 28 point lead for the CJs. The Sexpos’ Honey Badger countered with a huge 23 point jam in jam 17, allowing teammate jammer Ira Crass to take the lead on the scoreboard for the Sexpos with a 5-0 jam in jam 18. Both teams scrambled to take over the point lead as the time in the half ticked away. Jam 21 was a close trade-off as Kissy Kicks edged out the Honey Badger 14-8 in a no-lead situation. At the half, the CJs were in front 81-71, but the bout was far from over.

photo by Scott LovejoyMontréal needed to come out swinging in the second half if they wanted to take home a win, and they did just that. Sexpos jammers Honey Badger, Falcon Punch, Beats Per Minute and Slavic Slayer steamrolled over the CJs, taking 10 jam leads out of the first 12 jams and combining for 68 points. The Sexpos defense also locked down on the CJs jammers, holding them to a measly 4 points in the same time frame. The Sexpos had amassed a huge lead and looked to be in total control with roughly half a period to go. The Janes desperately needed a boost, and in jam 13, they got an opportunity: a power jam. Bea Nimble kicked in gear for the Janes and broke Montréal’s hot streak, scoring a 12-0 jam and breathing life into her team and the crowd. Kissy Kicks followed suit and snagged the next lead, scoring 4-0 in jam 14, and suddenly the Janes were rolling. Two jams later, Kissy Kicks scored 15-0 over the Honey Badger, and the crowd was on fire. Ira Crass attempted to derail the surging Janes with a 4-0 jam, but following that, the Janes refused to be denied. Kissy Kicks, Bea Nimble and Red-Demption grabbed the next six jam leads and peppered away at Montréal’s lead.

photo by Scott LovejoyWith less than a minute to go, Montréal’s lead had dwindled to 12, and the CJs were carrying all the momentum. Kissy Kicks lined up against Honey Badger for what was sure to be the final jam. As the jam whistle blew, both jammers scrambled to get out front for control. With a swift move up the inside line, the Honey Badger grabbed the jam lead away from Kissy Kicks and quickly called the jam once regulation time expired, ending the CJs chances of completing the comeback and securing victory for the Sexpos in one of the most exciting bouts to date. Les Sexpos took a hard-fought victory back home to Canada, 143 – 131.

photo by Scott LovejoyMost Valuable Players

Calamity Janes: Kissy Kicks

Les Sexpos: Beats Per Minute

Top Scorers

Calamity Janes: Kissy Kicks (79)

Les Sexpos: the Honey Badger (51)

Calamity Janes Roster

A-Block | Bea Nimble | Busty Mayhem | Cherry Clobber | Crazy Buchanan | Dollipops | Dubliner Broozes | Gunner Hands-Off | Kissy Kicks | Nauti Roller | Princess LayHerOut | Red-Demption | T-Storm | WrexZilla

Les Sexpos Roster

Axelle Rouge | Beats Per Minute | Bikini Skills | Charlotte Bruise-a-lot | Falcon Punch | Honey Badger | Ira Crass | Killer Kozak | Magnum PEI | Slavic Slayer | Sparkel N' Maim | Surgical Strike | Tabarnouk | Wonderbrat

Photo by Scott Lovejoy

Bout Recap by Milhouse Van Bouten

Exactly 364 days prior to this bout, Maine Roller Derby’s Port Authorities kicked off their 2011 WFTDA year against Buffalo, NY’s Queen City Lake Effect Furies at Happy Wheels Skate Center in Portland. The final score of the first-ever meeting between the teams was a solid 189-54 victory for the Port Authorities. A year later Queen City brought their A-game into town in a repeat showdown, helping Maine Roller Derby start their 2012 year in similar style.

However, in derby, a lot can change in a year. The Port Authorities had gone through much internal reorganization throughout 2011, including changes to the roster and coaching staff. Queen City experienced growth in their own right, gaining experience and sharpening their teeth against opponents in the North Central region. While the scene felt familiar, the end of this chapter was far from predictable.

Photo by Scott LovejoyQueen City, determined to have a different outcome, took control at the first jam as Fury Jammer Day TripHer grabbed lead away from opponent Grim D. Mise for a 4-1 jam. Fury jammer B’kini Whacks also beat Grim to the punch in jam three to score 6-4. The struggle for power began when Spry Icicle gave the Port Authorities their first jam advantage, scoring 5-0 in jam five. From there, the defense took over as the scoring was held to a minimum.

The PA blockers found their groove, highlighted by Punchy O’Guts skillful backwards-skating blocking in jam nine. In jam eleven, B’kini Whacks was sent to the penalty box, leaving Grim D. Mise as the only jammer. Grim unloaded one of the most spectacular jams in recent MRD memory, throwing down a beautiful spin move in her second pass and an amazing apex jump in her fourth. The jam hammered 30 points onto the scoreboard for the Port Authorities and set the home crowd ablaze.

Photo by Scott LovejoyThe Furies would not allow themselves to be intimidated by Grim’s superjam and continued to wrestle for control of the momentum. In jam twelve, Fury blocker Vajenna Warrior nearly single-handedly shut down Grim’s scoring streak, allowing teammate jammer Pepper Stix to score 8-4. B.J. Harmstrong tagged an impressive 13-4 jam for the Furies in jam fifteen, keeping the team very much alive. By the end of the half, the score was a competitive 87 – 55.

Pepper Stix began the second half on the right track for the Furies, scoring 8-0 over Grim. The battle for momentum began again when Spry Icicle scored 4-2 for the PAs. It looked as if the competitive pace set in the late minutes of the first half was going to continue, however, penalties added up for the Furies and they found themselves at a pack disadvantage. Outnumbered, the Furies had difficulty grabbing jam lead at a critical time, and the PAs steadily poured on the offense. Grim D. Mise returned to form, adding another 13 point jam in jam twelve, 8 points in jam fourteen, and 20 points in jam sixteen. Crystal Whip, Spry Icicle, and Jessica Aspiras supplemented the offense for Portland as well. Fury jammers scrambled to keep pace, denoted by 8 point jams from Day TripHer and Pepper Stix, but they could not solve the PA defense. Portland rolled on to another victory at home over Queen City, 191-104

Photo by Scott LovejoyMost Valuable PlayersPhoto by Scott Lovejoy

Port Authorities: Grim D. Mise

Lake Effect Furies: Vajenna Warrior

Top Scorers

Port Authorities: Grim D. Mise (122)

Lake Effect Furies: Pepper Stix (37)

Port Authorities Roster

A-Block | Crystal Whip | Grim D. Mise | Jessica Aspiras | Kissy Kicks | Li'l Punisher | Mae Snap | Mother Bones | Princess Lay Her Out | Punchy O'Guts | Shirley B. Slammin' | Spry Icicle | T-Storm

Lake Effect Furies Roster

BJ Harmstrong | B'Kini Whacks | Busty Pipes | CU~T | Day TripHer | Ivanna Lay Her Out | Lip Service | Midnyt Maniac | Pepper Stix | R Rose Selavy | Red Fox | Ruby Revenge | Stormie Weather | Tuesday Hula | Vajenna Warrior | Vile Love it

2011 Skater Statistics Awards

When most people hear the word “statistics”, they think of a painful college course taught by a professor with a bow tie. While this is probably accurate, statistical analysis has a purpose in nearly all walks of life. The role of statistics in sports is not only significant, but critical to understanding and quantifying exactly how a team/skater has performed.

Why is it necessary to attach numbers to something like this? Well, let’s get back to basics: don’t forget how a sport is played to begin with. Derby, as with most sports, is scored by points. Counted points. Numbers. These numbers are the basis for who we know wins and loses a game. 

The points, lineups, and penalties are tracked for each and every jam by a set of non-skating officials for the sole purpose of keeping track of who is winning or losing. And by working with these scores, lineups and penalties, we can tell what each and every skater contributed to those points and how they did it.

Plus, numbers are fun. Just go with me on this.

After gathering all available data for competition bouts in 2011, we were able to compile these numbers into a set of MRD Records for 2011. The records have been split up by team (Calamity Janes and Port Authorities), and show the top performers for each category over the course of the year. These skaters have been outstanding performers and representatives of Maine Roller Derby athleticism, and they are recognized here for their exceptional efforts. The next time you see them, give them a high-five.

Nov 19, 2011 | Happy Wheels, Portland ME

Bout Recap by Milhouse Van Bouten

photo by Scott LovejoyNovember 19^th marked the five year anniversary of MRD's first public bout, the Sneak Peek, and brought a different kind of derby to the fans of Portland, Maine. The athletes of MRD split their roster in a manner similar to the Wicked vs Good annual tradition, but this time, dividing into the neon and jeggings-clad Aquanets and the dark, moody Flannel Fatales. Splitting the athletes into two lively polar opposites for the sake of competition was nothing new. However, the most notable difference in this Thanks for Giving bout was a third group of participants: the crowd. Audience members had a direct impact on the game: they spent money to add or subtract points, sent players to the box, sprung players from the box and paid to switch players to the other team. All proceeds were donated to the Hardy Girls Healthy Women, a nonprofit organization dedicated to the health and well being of girls and women. In the spirit of giving and supporting a good cause fans had the added benefit of causing some hardy healthy havoc on the track and forcing their favorite players (and others) to do their bidding.

Having no idea what to expect from the fan participation, the skaters stuck with what they did know: playing each other hard. The ‘Nets had speed on their side, as jammers Grim D. Mise and Kissy Kicks combined for 18 points in the first 2 jams, and Grim along with Crazy Buchanan forced quick calls from Fatales jammers Spry Icicle and Shirley B. Slammin, which kept the Fatales scoreless through jam 4.

Meanwhile, the crowd started to find their voice and bought some penalties and points while the action continued. Despite these penalties commanded by the audience, the skaters themselves weren’t completely defenseless, and many (Grim D. Mise, Busty Mayhem, and Punchy O’Guts among many others) posted their own bail to get back to the action. However, referee Foul Plague had no choice but to serve his full time, much to the crowd’s delight.

photo by Scott LovejoyAs the crowd settled into their position of power, the Aquanets established a strong pace through the middle of the first half, scoring 49 points while the Fatales managed 9. By jam 17, the Fatales realized they needed to shrug their signature apathy. Spry icicle snagged lead and rounded up 12 unanswered points, and the venue reeked of teen spirit. With the Aquanets stunned, Shirley B. Slammin’ and Li’l Punisher followed suit, helping the Fatales finish the half very strong by combining for 22 more points in the last 4 jams while the Aquanets scrambled for 1. The ‘Nets still had the lead at halftime, 71 – 50, but the momentum was all on the Flannel Fatales side.

However, the crowd’s donations had not yet been tabulated. At the end of the half, the point purchases added a net gain of 20 points to the Fatales and a net loss of 19 points from the Aquanets. As if the Aquanets needed more bad news, the score was nearly reversed on them, putting the Fatales in the lead 70 – 52.

Further shaking up the situation, the crowd purchased two team trades: Grim D. Mise and Punchy O’Guts went from glee to grunge, when fans traded them from the Aquanets to the Fatales. The captains and coaches of the 'Nets chose Li’l Punisher and Spry Icicle to fill the gap, and it was truly a brand new game.

Both teams seemed a little stunned at the shakeup, as the first 3 jams were scoreless. Neither team managed more than one pass worth of points until jam 12, when Grim D. Mise, now a Fatale, fired the first heavy shot by repeating Spry’s 12-0 point jam. Three jams later, she followed up with an more impressive 20-0.

photo by Scott LovejoyBy jam 15, the Flannel Fatales had nearly double the points of the Aquanets and looked to be living up to their name, sealing the fates of their opponents. Although a win seemed all but assured, the crowd blasted their authority and sent referees Ian Fluenza and Ruth of all Evil, ‘Nets coach Caesar Foulin’, announcer Pixie Quickenwitty and even Thanksgiving day mascot Mr. Giblets to the box just to let them everyone know who was in charge. But despite all the fun, the audience’s whims still had the potential to be a very powerful variable.

During all of the chaos spurred on by the crowd, another story began to develop on the track. Spry Icicle, now jamming for the Aquanets, picked up a seemingly benign 2-0 jam in jam 16. Two jams later, she kicked into gear and scored 9-2. Spry was once again the agent of change for her team as ‘Nets teammate jammer Kissy Kicks piled on 13 more points and the place started to smell less like teen spirit and more like aerosal. The Aquanets continued to pepper away at the Fatales lead, while keeping them scoreless, but time was running out. In the final jam, Crazy Buchanan went for broke and galloped for 26-0 points, the highest scoring jam of the bout. The dazzling last-ditch effort brought the Aquanets within 1 point of tying the Fatales on the scoreboard. The score at the end of regulation was Aquanets 123, Flannel Fatales 124.

…But, there another wildcard had yet to be played.

The audience took advantage of their power and purchased more scoring changes ($1 per point). The Fatales gained 1 point, and the Aquanets, who had clearly won the crowd’s favor, gained 60 points. Once all the calculations were complete, the Aquanets, with the crowd’s generosity, declared victory: 183 – 125.

The true winners, of course, were Hardy Girls Healthy Women, who received over $1300 worth of donated funds from the bout proceeds thanks to our kind-hearted, fun-loving derby crowd. Congratulations to everyone involved in the successful and memorable night!

photo by Scott LovejoyMVPS

Aquanets: Mother Bones

Flannel Fatales: Punchy O’Guts

TOP SCORERS

Aquanets: Crazy Buchanan | 48 pts

Flannel Fatales: Grim D. Mise | 38 pts

Total: Grim D. Mise | 65 pts (27 w/ Aquanets)

Aquanets Starting Roster

Busty Mayhem | Cherry Clobber | Crazy Buchanan | Grim D. Mise | Kim Gorgon | Kissy Kicks | Lez Lemon | Mother Bones | Punchy O'Guts | Rehabiliskater | T-Storm | Wrexzilla

Flannel Fatales Starting Roster

A-Block | Dollipops | Dubliner Broozes | Gunner Hands-Off | Lady GayGay | Lil' Punisher | Mae Snap | Princess Layherout | Red-Demption | Shirley B. Slammin' | Spry Icicle | Tri-scare-atops

Bout Recap by Milhouse Van Bouten

MAINE'S FIRST INTERLEAGUE BOUT!

photo by E. DoyleOctober 28^th marked another milestone in the history of roller derby in Maine, as Happy Wheels served as host to the first ever interleague bout between two Maine leagues. The fledgling Rock Coast Rollers brought a sixteen-skater roster of fresh faces - the Stone Quarry Vixens - ready to get their first taste of competition against the Calamity Janes, whose roster contained the widest range of experience it ever had; from 5-year veteran A-Block to Dubliner Broozes, an MRD RIPTide in her first competitive bout. RCR’s clean slate was pitted against the CJs 4-5 record for the year. If Rock Coast planned to start their careers with a win, they would have to take it from a very hungry Janes squad after their last two bouts against the Hellions of Troy in New York and New England Roller Derby in Boston.

The Janes put their defense to work early, shutting out RCR jammers Scarina and Schrodinger’s Catfight in the first two jams while opening lanes for CJ jammers Princess Lay Her Out and Crazy Buchanan to combine for 17 points. In the second jam, RCR blocker Mistress of the Knife sparked Rock Coast’s defense, forcing Crazy Buchanan to take a major cut and start a power jam for RCR in jam 3. Sinner of Gravity took advantage, scoring 3 points for Rock Coast, which incited enthusiasm amid their crowd. Momentum shifted until inexperience and penalties racked up for RCR by jam 7. Jam 8 started with a very rare 5-on-1 power jam for the Calamity Janes, as Wheel Crazy was the only skater for Rock Coast on the track at the jammer whistle. Crazy Buchanan, the Rehabiliskater and Red-demption racked up 57 unanswered points in jams 7-9 and stamped a commanding lead over Rock Coast.  RCR would not be intimidated, and again took advantage of a power jam in jam 10 as Shrodinger’s Catfight nabbed 12 points back and the Rock Coast fans went wild.  As Rock Coast stole the hearts of the fans in attendance, the Janes stole back the momentum and poured on the offense through the rest of the half, most notably by Crazy Buchanan’s 37 combined points in jams 12 and 15. The Janes remained firmly in the lead at the half, 137 – 29.

photo by E. DoyleAlthough trailing at the half, Rock City’s jammers consistently sprinted ahead of the Janes jammers at the starting whistle and tried to capitalize on that quickness to derail the Janes’ energy in period 2. Schrodinger’s Catfight forced a quick call from Princess Lay Her Out in jam 1, only allowing 2 points. Mistress of the Knife followed up by nabbing lead status ahead of Crazy Buchanan and scored 4 points, but called the jam late, allowing a 4-4 tie jam. The CJs defense caught on and Cherry Clobber and Kissy Kicks clamped down on RCR jammer Oxidizer in jam 3, allowing Janes jammer T-Storm to score a firm 18. Red-demption introduced some more physicality in jam 7, smashing RCR jammer Hard Dash twice and keeping her from ever escaping the pack. Rock Coast landed a few more power jam opportunities, but could not make up the ground they had lost. Crazy Buchanan put on a clinic in jam 17, taking advantage of 2 majors to RCR jammer Schrodinger’s Catfight to slam down a heart-stopping 34 points, matching the MRD all-star record held by Grim D. Mise and Li’l Punisher. With less than a minute left on the clock, the Janes giftwrapped their victory with a star pass from the Rehabiliskater to Gunner Hands-Off, who combined for 8 points in the 18^th and final jam. The Janes scored their first win of the season, 266 – 62.

photo by E. DoyleAlthough the score was heavily in favor of Maine Roller Derby, it is worth noting the electricity behind Rock Coast in their inaugural bout. Not a single one of them were daunted by the most brutal blocks from MRD’s heavy hitters. Though their inexperience as a team was visible, so was their determination. Several skaters proved themselves as superstars in the making. Mistress of the Knife had a spectacular game, sparking many of the shifts in momentum with sharp, fierce offensive and defensive blocking while contributing to the point total as well. Bristol Smashin’ beat the opposing jammer off the line every time, and was excellent at pulling herself through a tough defense using her own blockers. Schrodinger’s Catfight and Hurricane Bethany also brought speed that made them difficult to handle, as did Sinner of Gravity. Wheel Crazy was able to use a CJ blocker against her own jammer to delay her initial pass when she was the lone blocker for RCR on the track. It’s clear these athletes have earned their WFTDA Apprenticeship through hard work and dedication, and it’s more than enough to develop the skill they have already displayed into becoming a major force and strong representatives of Maine on a regional and national stage. The Rock Coast Rollers have arrived.

photo by E. DoyleMVPS

Calamity Janes: Kissy Kicks

Rock Coast Rollers: Mistress of the Knife

TOP SCORERS

Calamity Janes: Crazy Buchanan | 120 pts

Rock Coast Rollers: Schrodinger’s Catfight | 20 pts

Calamity Janes Roster

A-Block | Busty Mayhem | Cherry Clobber | Crazy Buchanan | Dollipops | Dubliner Broozes | Gunner Hands-Off | Kim Gorgon | Kissy Kicks | Lady GayGay | Lez Lemon | Princess Lay Her Out | Red-demption | Rehabiliskater | Tri-Scare-Atops | T-Storm 

Rock Coast Rollers Roster

59 Inch Nail | Bristol Smashin' | Chain Lynx | Hard Dash | Hurricane Behany | Iron Orchid | Mistress of the Knife | Oxidizer | Roll Doll | Scarina | Shrodinger's Catfight | Sinner of Gravity | Sk8 Plissken | Sookie Stacked | Vengeful Vegan | Wheel Crazy